Back to Square One… and a very special daily dose of TMI for #TN05Another Daily Dose of TMIFinally took a blue pill. Was able to relax and think for a while about my “daily dose” of TMI and #neverendingshit.Unfortunately now I have done too much thinking and I’m back to square one..I read the contracts, I see the numbers, but then I get to the same issue. What the fuck is wrong with this world. Can I be any more specific, redundant or annoying that I just want to fucking explode!How very very sad for all of the ppl who may just happen to experience a few months, or a few years of what I go through every fucking day of my life.My parents should be ashamed.My community should be ashamed. #WEareNASHVILLE should be crawling on their knees begging for forgiveness for the way they exploited the flood, the federal government and exhausted all possible avenues to attract sympathy, money, and attention. i could puke right now.Every person that makes presumptuous jokes about “just ask daddy” or I’m sure one of your “boyfriends” will do… Give… Respect…NO! OBVIOUSLY the answer is no. And you know, I’m not even above taking such “gifts” from all the assholes who want to promote THEIR agendas, and all the bullshit that goes with it.I don’t the world very much today. I don’t like the people I see if around me, and I ain’t talkin’ bought the Mexicans in yard.Obviously, the ppl I speak of haven’t “seen” me in over a year. Well, that might have to change. I have no expectations, but one might be smart to lift a finger, push a paper, or lend a hand to help me the fuck out of here before I start asking these questions “on the public timeline” instead of in my daily journal and the 35,000 emails that remain in my inbox.I’ll be cool in a few. What my has done (again) may just destroy the only thing she ever about: herself.She is embarrassed, humiliated and financially devastated to have to the terrible misfortune and burden of having a daughters like my sister and I once asked her how it made her feel to have two grown daughter thatare so dysfunctional and “mean” that we can barely make the time to return her calls or have the decency to put on make up when we leave the house.Her answer, “it makes absolutely SICK to my stomach each time I think about the way you live your lives. Doing nothing. Can’t even get a decent job at the local Walmart.In response, I asked if she ever considered the possibility that she may have contributed to the two of us being plagued with unrealistic expectations for perfection and grace.She doesn’t see it that way. She sees it as her cross to bear. A outright personal trauma being forced to have “two grown daughters who never accomplished a single thing in their entire lives.”I can’t say for certain if my sister would agree, and she has the added burden of working under the watchful eye of my father each day, but I as myself I am quite certain I accomplished at least one thing extraordinary… I managed to grow up a mother and father who have both confessed that they believe the world would be better off without me in it; and yet somehow I managed to escape with a shred of dignity,integrity and purpose.Certainly not character traits they recognize or appreciate, but in their world, that can only mean one thing. I must be doing something right.
Plan: Pay By The Day
Status Today: Not Paid
Current Plan Cost: $1.00
Balance exp date: 08/12/2010
Hope $0.04 is enough to get this message through. I am ready to be heard.
I am “home” as usual here in Tennessee.
Good morning to all and thank you for listening.
This is just me. Always and only “just” me,
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Elyssa Durant, Ed.M.
“You may not care how much I know, but you don’t know how much I care.”